NOW 4th December 2013

I'm struggling right now because I lack mental energy but feel like I need to write a blog entry which is interesting and entertaining and deep and profound and insightful etc. etc. etc.  but I can't think of anything, so instead i'll use these pixels to address this problem.  What is the root here?  Is it not enough to just write whatever and let that be the reality of the moment?  Does every post here have to be all things to all people, or can I sometimes just be tired and apathetic and just write a few words that don't matter much or count towards some great revelation or threaten to implode the universe through sheer brilliance?  

I think I can probably just do whatever I want.  I want a popular and successful blog because I want to help people and I think maybe I can share some things that will help, but it has to be on my terms, it can't be me trying to give to others what I think they want, that will never work.  Anyway, it's early days, I could just be writing to myself at the moment, but that's okay, I know blogs can take a long time to blossom into something... okay, I don't know that because I don't know anything about blogs, but i'll take a college level educated guess that millions of people won't be reading my words tomorrow.  But that's not the spirit, is it!  Of course millions of people will be reading my words tomorrow, or what was the point in watching The Secret.  That wasn't a question, btw.  

Actually, this blog entry isn't too bad.  So maybe there is a lesson there.  I just need to be honest.  I don't like pretence, but I do feel some sort of need to put an esoteric tutu on and give you all (read: none) a performance.  It's just not going to happen though.  This blog will live or die by truth.  I hope.  That is, I hope it is truthful, and I also hope it lives.  I'm going to give myself a few months to get used to writing blog entries and then when I feel a little bit confident I might get my swag on and try and promote it.  All very attention seeking, but that is okay, it is not for I that I seek attention but for the message conveyed in these words on a screen and the message conveyed in the attitude and mindset behind these words on a screen.  

Twenty seven.

The Time You Have (In Jelly Beans)

This video shows us - using jelly beans - how much of our lives we are wasting.  Eye opener.

The Time You Have (In Jelly Beans)

NOW 3rd December 2013

I started volunteering again today.  I volunteer at a centre for recovering addicts.  I've been volunteering there for nearly 4 years, and when i'm unemployed (often) I tend to volunteer there most days for most of the day.  I am bored of the old roles.  I've done them all to death and I need new challenges, and so this time I am returning with a view to give something, to contribute, to add to the service.  Today I handed in a proposal for a 'Learn about Buddhism' class to be held once a week.  It will be a mixture of discussion and some meditation.  I'm using the book 'Modern Buddhism' by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso as the basis for the teachings and discussion.  He seems to know his eggs.

I don't have much money at the moment, but I thought I had enough in my account to get the bus home.   So after volunteering I walked into town, went to a shop and bought 2 kilos of potatoes and some pitta breads for dinner and future dinners, then went to get some cash out from a hole in the wall only to be told I had insufficient funds.  Curious.  So, I went into the bank and tried to take some money out, but alas, I really did have insufficient funds.

Being bright I figured that i'd just go back to the shop and buy some more grub and just get cash-bank.  There wasn't anything else I wanted so I just picked up 2 more kilos of potatoes for later in the week, went to the pay at the self-service as I had before out of fear of having my card rejected (embarrassing for even us wannabe world-changers), only to find that once I got to the end there was no option for cash-back.  Okay then.  So, still no money to get to my home 6 miles away, and plus i've acquired 4 kilos of spud weight.  What to do.  

Like most spiritual folk persistently short of money i've been reading into the law of attraction, the hope being that all my material needs will be met with minimal effort and fuss, just by thinking / being a certain way... a certain way that I have not cracked yet.  *Sips peppermint tea*.  So, me and my potatoes decide to create my bus fare home.  Not difficult, in theory, I just send the thought out 'I have my bus fare home', which i'm pretty sure was the right thought to send out, and proceeded to know that it would be done and walked straight to the bus stop knowing that my fare would appear and i'd be home in no time at all.  The fare didn't appear, and, to be honest, I wasn't in the mood to give it much of a chance.  I was walking home.

'Come on potatoes', I didn't say, internally or externally, I just started walking.  It is quite a long walk.  It took me an hour and a half, but, you see, these are the moments I realise how blessed I am, and how much of a beautiful mind I have developed.  Not even one split atom of a negative thought arose in my mind.  No disappointment at having to walk home, no grumbling, no anger, no frustration... just a cheerful, well humoured mind, totally accepting and happy with the situation.  I love that.  I love that life gave me those potatoes too, just to give the challenge an edge.  I responded beautifully.  

It's so encouraging to experience those moments.  One of my main practices at the moment is to just enjoy everything.  It used to be to accept everything.  Now it is to enjoy it all, whatever it may be.  It just comes down to my mind.  I have cultivated a mind that can make any situation enjoyable.  One way or another my mind finds an angle that makes every moment - whatever its taste - enjoyable.  I'm still early days with it, and that enjoyment will deepen as I commit more to it, but it's happening, it's there.  I get to smile no matter what.  

Here's what I have just been listening to.

Palms - Antarctic Handshake

I hope you are well, you who is reading this.     

NOW 2nd December 2013

I always have a lot of ideas and receive a lot of inspiration.  For years now I have bounced from one big idea to the next and then back again, and until very recently I thought this was a problem and that I needed to get focused and concentrate on one idea and succeed with it.  But recently I realised that my ideas are like plants in a garden, and that they are planted in my mind then nurtured over time before (hopefully) blossoming.

So now I have no problem bouncing from one idea to the next, because each time I visit an idea it grows that little bit more, and now I can envisage a time when all these ideas will blossom into the most wonderful garden.

The ideas keep coming, and what I realised only today is that every time I get a new idea or batch of ideas I get excited and give them all my attention, and they seem very important to me, and I develop them to a point and then the momentum is gone and I step back.  Then another idea or two come along and they supersede the previous ideas, but at the same time they take away the pressure of the importance of the previous set of ideas and, as such, make those previous ideas much easier to get on and implement.

For example, a few months ago I was working on a small local magazine with the kind of content that will be on this blog in it.  I was also working on selling raw vegan sweet snacks as well as doing raw vegan coaching, whilst taking groups of recovering addicts on week visits to a Buddhist centre (a LOT of ideas!).  At the time these ideas seemed so important, and they were all developed to a certain point but then my enthusiasm fell flat as the pressure of them all became too much and my brain couldn't keep up.  But now I have some new ideas... I want to plan some civil disobedience campaigns against the austerity measures and I want to try and make a quality blog here, and these things excite me (and daunt me) more than the previous ideas, to the point where the previous ideas are like 'whatever!' and I feel like i'll just do them in my sleep, no worries, no sweat, no big deal.

I like these developments.  I love the strange little angles and insights that come out of nowhere.  Sometimes I wonder what more can I understand and be aware of.  I guess we cannot conceive of what we have yet to conceive of, so it's quite beautiful when something new arises in my mind and helps me to see things in a new light.  The understanding that all my ideas are like plants growing in a garden gave me immense peace of mind.  Prior to that i'd felt like a failure, like none of my ideas were succeeding and that I lacked commitment.  But this couldn't be further from the truth!  I am ridiculously committed, it's just that sometimes the inspiration isn't there and there is no way forwards at that time, and maybe there is a good reason for that.  I certainly know that if some of my ideas had 'succeeded' at the time of their inception that they'd only have been ruined very quickly by my immaturity at the time.  So I know now that my ideas will blossom when I am ready to present them to the world, and i'm happy with that.

The Evil of Work After Hours

We have allowed a culture to materialise where many of us are now expected to work outside of our work hours… for free!  And we agree to this!  We actually do it.  We work hour after hour, long into our own personal time, we miss out on precious time with our children and partners, as well as equally precious time to relax and have fun... and we are doing it for free!  Why?!  Why are we allowing ourselves to be bullied, manipulated and coerced into agreeing to this?  When did we become such willing, compliant slaves?    

We do not exist to make money for other people.  If someone wants us to work outside of our work hours then they should be paying us!  What other reason are we at work for?!  As far as I was aware, we go to work to earn money, so, no money = no work.  But now it's flipped.  Now it's not just no work = no money but work = no money!  Huh?  We have zero obligation to our employer other than to work to the best of our ability whilst we are being paid to work. 

When we choose to work for free then we choose our own exploitation.  And when we justify this exploit ion ('oh but i'm just glad to have a job'… 'oh but I don't want to be overlooked for promotion' etc. etc.) and submit to it then we endorse it, we compound it, and, we establish a precedent for our future exploitation that will not be passed up on.  Such pitiful compliance makes us the master of our own slavery.  We put our shackles on, we turn the lock, we throw the key away, and then we - just because we are audacious like this - bitch about being over-worked and never seeing our families! 

Is there an easy solution to this?  Nope.  Can we come up with a solution?  Yes, of course we can!  Is there any reason why things need to be this way?  It is true that this system has us by the balls.  The economy is a (designed) mess and they have the power to dangle our jobs over us and make us play catch.  But, who really has the power?  US!  We have the numbers, we have the intelligence, we have the resources, we have everything we need to change this situation.  But we have to make some changes.  We have to stop the corporate back-stabbing.  We have to stop trying to climb the ladder chasing the money.  We have to stop trampling over each other to get to the power and the status.  These things divide us and keep us competing against each other instead of working together in unity for a common goal and a shared good.  

Look at the stars.  Look at the vastness of the Universe.  Reflect on the mind-bobbling expanses of time.  Consider that, one day, you will be gone from this planet, you and all your loved ones, all your striving, all your ambition, all your power, all your wealth, and ask yourself if what you have and what you strive for is enough to justify this precious life.  If not, then what are you doing it for?  Why are you missing out on your children growing up?  Why are you so tired and stressed and unhappy?  It is time for a re-think.  There is nothing to be afraid of.  We have strength in unity.  Stand tall with your colleagues, organise yourselves, relinquish fear, make a stand, and do what you know to be right.  You are not a slave.